23. Hyperbaric Foot Shitting

23. Hyperbaric Foot Shitting

So here I was sitting in an Ionic Foot bath while Sauren was riding the hyperbaric chamber. I know, I know, it sounds nutty, but it’s alternative medicine par excellence as advised to me by none other than my ally Sauren Crow. If he had told me to flap my arms and go to the moon I probably would have tried.

Instead I was doing my best to ensure that both of us survived by following his advice. That was the deal I made with him. I’d follow his advice and he’d follow mine. I have it in mind to take him with me for the ayahuasca cure. The only problem is the money. But maybe I can raise it rather than front it myself.

Glancing down I notice the once pure water looks like baby diarrhea. “What the hell is this shit?!” I yelled.

Denis laughed and came over from her desk, “It’s you. Impurities.”

“All that shit came out of my feet?” It was really hard to believe. But Denis was a friend. I knew this was no con, but knew not what to make of it. “That’s really disgusting….”

“How could my feet have shit?” I thought to myself. “What craziness is this? I mean, how could they?”

Just one more mystery to throw on the pile, as far as I’m concerned at this point. “So my feet shit. Ok, what’s next?”

What was next was a ride in the claustrophobia inducing hyperbaric chamber. But I was ready for it and gobbled a valium 20 minutes prior. No sweat. I started calling people from inside the chamber on my back, oxygen mask on my mouth. A little muffled, sure, but they could understand me. It was fun weirding them out telling them where I was calling from.

So now I was on three tracks. Western medicine (still waiting for my Tysabri), Shamonic (If I ever find a Shaman here or in Peru) and now, drum roll, alternative medicine.

God help me, I’m not sure which seems the silliest to me at this point. I might as well try them all as long as they don’t conflict. If there is a conflict, I’ll deal with it then.

The synchronicities between me and Sauren had continued with a vengeance. Little things. Like him saying that after enlightenment all that was left to do was laundry.

“Where did you hear that?” I challenged him. In my pocket my Iphone was tuned to a lecture series entitled “After the Ecstasy, The Laundry” by Jack Kornfeld.

“I dunno, my head. I made it up…”

I showed him my IPhone tuned to its iPod spot.

As he read it his breath whistled “Shit….”

He had never heard of Jack Kornfeld…

Believe it or not, that was a SMALL one. I’d rather not talk any more about the others; just take my word that I experienced them almost everywhere I looked.

The only time I can remember lots of synchronicities happening was years before during the psychedelic magic period. They were pretty powerful. This felt much more powerful. Without drugs. Cough! It’s bloody embarrassing to be writing this. I know that it won’t make sense to anyone reading it.

Maybe it will. What makes me think I’m the only one shit like this happens to. Who would admit it if they experienced it? Feel like getting locked up? No thanks!

I guess the best way to play this is that we are two buddies who happened to meet each other at a time of great need for both of us. What’s the big deal, right? I’m sure it happens every Tuesday and Thursday to somebody somewhere. Just lucky, that’s all. Nothing new there either. Just lucky…